Hello Friends,
Today I’ve got another very useful therapeutic writing exercise for you to try.
(Incidentally, thank you to those of you who have emailed or messaged with your feedback on the previous writing exercises. I super appreciate hearing from you - it’s great to know that the therapeutic exercises are offering some helpful insights.)
Today’s exercise is about re-authoring your stories. That doesn’t mean re-writing history in an attempt to change the facts! It means re-looking at difficult events from 360 degrees, understanding broader contexts and acknowledging what your struggles have taught you, however uncomfortably that may have occurred.
Having gone through some therapeutic re-looking, our difficult stories often settle into a more stable, at peace place in our inner filing cabinet. That means they don’t jump into our awareness for attention quite so intensely, or often anymore, because they have been heard, examined, learned from and sometimes shared.
There are many ways to see the same events, many ways to see yourself, lots of factors at play around us all the time. We are by our nature, interpreters of events. We strive to make sense of what happens to us. We make those interpretations with the tools and information we have at the time which can be limited, especially if we are young. As we learn and grow, we can see new things, new ways, even in past events.
You have the power to reassess your perspectives of yourself and the meaning you make of your experiences.
We can at any time, re-look at our old stories in the light of new understandings, greater wisdom and having found new courage and energy to act. Our stories do not have to represent one absolute truth. Nor are they an imposed destiny.
If they were originally formed in childhood, which many of the most powerful ones were, they probably need ‘software updates’ to stay relevant and meaningful.
That’s because when we have interpreted events a certain way, we unconsciously tend to gather evidence to strengthen that interpretation as we go, to prove ourselves right. We may unintentionally completely overlook new evidence if it runs contrary to our entrenched view, thereby keeping ourselves stuck and limited.
So, working against that ‘stuck-ness’, today’s exercise goes like this:
Write freely about a difficult event, or time, in your life.
Write what happened and how you felt.
Write about the effects it had on you, including the conclusions you drew about yourself at the time.
If it still effects you today, write a little about how it still plays out for you in the present.
E.g., It effected my self-esteem in these ways….
Then write at least one alternative interpretation, preferably multiple alternatives to the conclusions and stories you originally made about yourself regarding this struggle, difficult event, or time.
E.g., I saw myself as weak/mean/ a victim. Now I can see that it was possible I was in survival mode/I did what I had been taught/I wanted to be liked, etc.
Again, you are not making excuses for anyone or trying to change the past. You are looking at things from every angle, to help you to find a resting place for the past; angles that might offer you greater space, distance and understanding, than the rigidity of a single lens.
Lastly, write about what you have learned from that struggle or difficult time, even if those learnings were hard won, because they strengthen you in your future journey.
When old struggles or their echoes arise in your awareness or actions in future, you can temper them with these new perspectives, reminding yourself, something like:
Yes. That did happen. It was so difficult. It left scars. I strive to do better now because I know better and I see it clearly. I won’t repeat that.
Or
Yes. That happened. I was hurt and I suffered. I still feel it. However, I survived, and I am stronger for it, wiser, and a more compassionate human being for what I have been through.
Words like these, written by you, for you, are powerful mantras in the everyday workings of our minds and hearts.
Love to you.