And what to do instead
There are coaches of every kind online, as well as an extraordinary number of training courses and coaches for coaches. Life, business, mindset coaching — it’s an unregulated industry, meaning anyone can use the title and charge whatever they like — which often seems to be a substantial amount.
What do you get for your money when you sign-up with a coach? Going in, that’s largely unknown unless you can get your coach to agree to some Key Performance Indicators before you start.
Generally, what you’ll get will depend on factors such as whether the coach holds qualifications or experience in a field like counselling or business development, or in nothing at all. Perhaps they’ve done a coaching course, perhaps not. Perhaps that course was reputable, perhaps not. The sheer numbers of coaches and coaches-coaches mean it’s increasingly difficult to know who’s for real, and who just wants to be.
Scan a few coaches’ websites and you’ll see a theme that, while results are rarely guaranteed (even for the big bucks) there’s often an inherent message
“You can be like me and have this luxe lifestyle (for a fee)”.
There’s also a common set of catch-words — mindset, limiting beliefs, manifestation, personal branding, finding your tribe and stepping into your power. Usually there are expensive personal sessions on offer and a lower priced option of an online course or group sessions.
The promise of manifesting success through coaching appeals to the dissatisfied, the unhappy, the lost who yearn for guidance, as well as people who are doing OK but would love to catch a bigger break.
At some point most of us find ourselves dreaming of making it bigger in life or work, seeking financial freedom, and wanting it yesterday. We may want to believe that a location-free, entrepreneurial lifestyle is just waiting for us to reach out and grab it. A part of us is keen to think that all we need is a few new tricks and the right mindset and all we ever wanted will be ours.
It’s a tasty dream. It’s the dream that’s fueling the coaching industry and seen it boom in the last decade. I mean, who hasn’t wanted those things and wanted them now, especially when things aren’t going well in life? Grab a credit card, let’s sign up!
But (sigh) dreams and all the coaching in the world mean nothing without cold hard business plans, contacts, customers and the personal resilience to see hard times through. Work is work in both business and personal development and nobody is going to shortcut it for you no matter how much you pay them — unless of course they can introduce you to some customers.
The reality is, even if they’re brilliant, no coach can bestow the beautiful dream of wealth and freedom upon us through the magic of mindset, belief and manifestation. Sure those things are potentially helpful but here comes the dinosaur-age stuff we all wish wasn’t true in these days of tech start-ups and online entrepreneurship (sorry, here goes)…
Even with your success mindset firmly in place and a coach in your corner, the same hard work it took to be successful decades ago largely still stands. Maybe you just want to save your money and do the work you know you have to do unless the coach is an expert mentor in your area of business.
Unless you’re a freak exception (there are always one or two) you need the same things to start a business you’ve always needed. You need a good idea, some kind of business plan, ways of generating clients, some business contacts, some start up money doesn’t hurt, plus a whole lot of persistence. You need to keep getting up every time something doesn’t work. You need patience and stoicism.
If you want to feel happier, more satisfied and have better relationships — once again — the same principles apply that always have. Get a coach if you want one, but know there are no shortcuts to sustainable freedom from pain, searching or struggles, that outdo established psychological strategies.
Coaching won’t stick when applied to unhealed wounds, layers of defenses, dysfunctional coping strategies, lack of self-awareness, mental health issues, low self-worth, a trauma history or other pressing real-world problems.
The way we operate in our heads, our relationships and the world, is based on myriad influences, built up over time like layers of sedimentary rock, accumulated from our backgrounds and experiences, good and bad.
It would be lovely if anyone — a coach, a doctor, a friend — could in a few steps or sessions sweep all that out of the way and drop in a new mindset. But we are a great deal more complex than that kind of wishful thinking gives us credit for.
Mindsets are changed through multi-layered processes of deep learning and healing, reflection, developing mindfulness and raising self-awareness — processes that draw on the deepest resources in a client and practitioner. Beliefs generally change through having new experiences that cause us to doubt our old ideas and update them according to new information. Nobody makes that happen but ourselves.
In any group of people seeking to change their lives, there will be some with financial stress, business or career challenges, relationship problems and/or mental health issues. It’s also highly likely some have tried to make changes already, perhaps for a long time prior to seeking paid help. Their situation may already be complex, and their problems entrenched. There will likely be some seeking change, who suffer from conditions such as depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and those with a history of trauma.
I’ve heard coaches assert that they don’t work with people who require mental health support as they’re not qualified to do so. That’s a good idea, but I’m left wondering, are most coaches able to recognize and accurately screen people for depression, anxiety or other mental health issues in all their nuances and varied presentations?
Do coaches understand that it takes a long time to get to know clients and for clients to gather the courage to reveal the extent and depth of their struggles? Are they trained and experienced at listening for what a client is not telling them, over what they are saying? Do they know what to do when something unexpected arises with a client they thought they understood, but suddenly realize they don’t?
Does the typical life coach understand the depth and breadth of what it means to help a person to create meaningful, sustainable change?And what to do when a client is afraid and it triggers and frightens them too?
This is the everyday work of helping people for a psychologist like me. Not necessarily people who are ill, just normal people who are looking for some help and support. As a psychologist I can tell you, it’s big work. We are trained for it. Our profession and work is regulated and for many services there are rebates to make it a little easier to access.
A skilled coach might help a person who is feeling stuck to get things moving, especially in areas where improvement is clear and measurable. Coaching has an important place, but its place is not where people are in undefined pain, searching, and longing for quick fixes to end uncertainty and dissatisfaction. It’s not likely to deliver any sustainable results under those circumstances. It doesn’t go deep enough.
Coaching around specific goals is potentially highly useful however it’s going to work best if the coach is a highly skilled expert in the field in which your goals sit. E.g, A successful business person in your field, a top athlete in your sport, an expert in human psychology if you want help with thinking, emotions and well…yup…psychology.
In many cases, changing your mindset, stepping into your power, letting go of limiting beliefs and all the other catch-cries only even become an option after a great deal of other work and discovery has occurred.
That kind of work is well beyond the scope of coaching. It would be beautiful if it were that easy to soothe broken hearts, prompt self-awareness and facilitate discovery of authentic directions and healing for dissatisfied, searching beings. Dream-buyer — beware.
For more from me check out my book Lovelands or www.drdebracampbell.com.