Second-guessing yourself; climbing out of your filthy shame pond
And god forbid ;) energy healing.
So great to be reconnecting on this inner travelog after a bit of a break.
I’ve been second-guessing myself (not unusual) and considered relaunching this newsletter as The Anxious Therapist, just for a bit of a change-up. But a quick google revealed that name’s already been taken, by quite a few therapists actually (unsurprising). So, Deb Does Therapy it remains.
Do you second-guess yourself? Most of us do. It’s a phenomenon that’s increasing in intensity, likely because there is more information than ever to constantly check ourselves against.
Lately, my brain’s been trying to drag me (albeit kicking and punching) back into a decades old habit where I replay embarrassing moments from even long ago, to see if I want to feel embarrassed about the same stuff all over again. I know, eye-roll at how pointless it is, but I think you know what I mean.
It’s anxiety-based checking and second-guessing, hoping to inoculate ourselves against the same kind of awful experiences happening again. The memories present themselves to us repeatedly because they are emotionally-laden, tagged by our mind and body as important to keep ‘pinned to the top’ in order to avoid similar future pain.
We rehash, re-feel, reconsider and toss about what we could have said or done differently for a better outcome. That’s all good and well. However, on the flip side, when we repeat this stuff incessantly, it becomes unhelpful rumination.
Rerunning lousy experiences, regrets and mistakes, complete with re-experiencing the associated unpleasant feelings is not fun. Plus, the last thing we need is to over-practice and strengthen the neural pathways of how to feel shit about ourselves.
How I work with this is to be my own therapist in those moments, which any of us can, and sometimes must, do. You must, must, must fish yourself out of your filthy pond of past shames when you find yourself inadvertently dog-paddling around in it.
Shower off the muck, pat yourself dry, and give yourself a lovely supportive talking to. As. Many. Times. As. It. Takes.
Ask yourself (out loud is good!): “Is this rumination helpful?”
The answer is going to be “No”. Then tell your brain something like, “Thanks so much then, but we’re not doing this anymore” and get on with something that is helpful to your goals or your enjoyment.
You may have to rinse and repeat, and that’s OK.
OMG now she’s going to talk about energy healing
Yes. I am. Let’s get it over and done with.
I’m not a woo-woo person despite being into yoga and interested in metaphysics. I don’t believe easily, if you know what I mean.
For me, it’s generally been a case of wishing for something magical to happen in my encounters with energy healing, but coming away sadly disappointed and not at all surprised.
Regardless, last week I went all in with my chronic shoulder problem and tried some energy healing from my physio, who surreptitiously offers a bit of energy healing on the side, (only for those who ask for it). He doesn’t push it because he doesn’t want to be seen as offering ‘quackery’ by those who don’t want a bar of it.
I only tried it because I think he’s a decent and highly credentialed human, and because my shoulder seemed to need something else.
Anyway, long story short, my shoulder is massively improved after an hour of him just putting his hands lightly on my ears and head and (I guess) concentrating. Like, my shoulder seems actually healed!
I know. I struggle to believe it too. The shoulder’s given me problems for 20 years and various treatments, while helping to ease the discomfort, have never eliminated it like this. I can only hope it lasts.
As a result, I’m very into learning about legit energy healing since (as much as one can determine what’s legit and what isn’t). I’ve been consuming all the info I can from Australian TV Healer, Charlie Goldsmith because he certainly comes across as legit.
I’d like to understand how this worked for me and how it might work for others, especially in mental health settings. I’ll let you know if I actually start to understand it in any real way that I can communicate.
What else have I been up to aside from exploring the woo-woo side of life?
Well, I’m writing two very different novels at once, slipping between the two in a strange dance of following the inspiration and my desire.
I’ve also been getting back to consulting and enjoying seeing a larger number of patients once again, after slowing down my caseload to travel through winter.
It’s great to connect again and I hope you’ll drop me a line with your thoughts or to let me know you’re with me still. I hope you are.
Love to you,
Deb, you are one of the only people I know who could convince me that a modality such as energy healing is valid. Looking forward to the updates.
I am wary of so many things that seem flakey. At the same time I am strongly into acupuncture and Chinese medicine, which utilises energetic properties. My physical health is great at 65, not taking any meds and feeling well. I have also had some excellent reiki therapists and some not so great. It can be hit and miss but usually I engage following a reference from someone I trust. The real meaning is whether it works, and your treatment worked and that is all you can ask for. You seem to have shrugged off social media, well done you. Hope all is travelling well in your world Deb. x