Hello Everyone,
I’m loving how this newsletter is growing. We have three areas of focus now. The 10% Less Anxious Diaries which runs for 10 weeks commenced Monday and focuses on very manageable ways to lower anxiety in daily life.
It’s a free supportive service from me, so please feel free to share with anyone who might benefit.
The second type of post, coming out approximately weekly, is my fiction book Dark Feelings, which (predictably) has a psychological bent. It’s set in the world of psychiatrist Dr Pascha Lyle in 1990s Melbourne. It’s purely for fun, a rebellion from traditional publishing, delivered direct to readers via substack.
Third, this edition of the newsletter sticks with the original focus of Deb Does Therapy which is to answer subscribers’ questions about mental health, relationships, and all things psychology.
Today’s subscriber question is about parenting, anxiety, and setting boundaries:
Dear Deb,
I have always been ‘hooked into’ my daughter’s life. When she’s going well I’m so happy when life becomes hard and/ or she’s hurt emotionally, I struggle. I feel concern , I worry , it can make or ruin my day / week.
I’ll give a brief overview that might also help others in similar situations. I’m in my 60s. My daughter late 30s is married and has two toddlers
I have a reasonably good life. Enjoy my part time work, have hobbies and interests that I really enjoy. My social life could be better but I don’t think that’s the answer as soon as my daughter has problems I seem to plummet waiting to hear she’s ok again.
I want her to be happy. So much so if she’s not neither am I. It’s unhealthy for me. We are very close. Sometimes too much so. Perhaps quite dependent on each other. Me more so than her.
How do I navigate through this unhealthy situation. My boundaries with her are almost zero. I’ll drop everything to be there for her. On the phone mainly but I’ll give up my plans to be available.
I have been single since she was born and I feel I stay that way partly to be available for her. So it’s a big problem. Not that I have relationships on the agenda but I know I feel held back.
Of course I love her very much.
Yet I need some strategies to be more balanced.
Thank you. Deb.
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