Hello everyone,
Thank you so much for your patience while I’ve been on the road. The trip I’ve been on is nearly over and soon I’ll be back home with my dogs and other routines. I’ll also be starting to publish my fiction free, chapter by chapter, right here!
Meanwhile, I’ve been pondering a pervasive question, moving through the US in particular, with the smell of marijuana a constant on the streets and on people passing by:
What’s with the widespread human attraction to substance use, drugs, whatever you want to call stuff that alters our perception and receptors - anywhere from slightly to massively?
Not being one to indulge in anything much wilder than a margarita, I’m looking to better understand why so many people want to soften the edges, or even completely escape, on the daily. Does reality actually suck that badly for so many people?
The consumption of drugs, legal and otherwise, suggests it does, and that always makes me super sad.
I understand anxiety, personally and professionally, and I’m guessing that it’s the culprit at the base of a whole lot of substance use and abuse - wanting to take the edge off feeling stressed, sad, lonely, angry, frustrated or hurt. I get wanting to dull difficult feelings and turn down the sensitivity in a frequently insensitive world.
Is that why it’s so attractive to so many, to numb out? Maybe. Explain it to me please, if you can. I genuinely want to understand the phenomenon better because exploring the human condition is my passion and this is a massive area I don’t fully grasp.
This questioning was further evoked in me, reading a biography of Amy Winehouse written by her dear friend Tyler James. Her rare talent was stopped in its tracks by her illnesses, most of which were related to multiple substance abuse. Tyler shares conversations he had with Amy about neither of them being able to sustain their level of alcohol and drug use any longer, asking,
“Why don’t we both stop? We can’t keep doing this forever.”
He says Amy replied that life was boring without alcohol and other drugs. But Tyler believed that wasn’t her truth, because they’d been close since childhood and Amy had found life fun, inspiring and interesting before all that.
He witnessed Amy develop as the genius artist she was and write the deeply affecting, lauded music and poetry that flowed from her, when she was sober enough to function. When addictions and other self-harms subsumed her, she could no longer create or perform.
Tyler describes Amy as searching, looking for love in her life, but not openly coming from a background of abuse or obvious pain that she was aching to numb. He’s addressing the idea that drug use has to come out of intense pain and suffering. It absolutely doesn’t. Human behaviour ain’t nearly that clear cut or simple.
On occasion, I’ve had young patients talk to me about being the only one in their friendship group not snorting, smoking or swallowing something, and feeling really uncomfortable about that. My situation in my 20s was similar. Instead of asking why others choose to imbibe, looking for clues, I could just as well ask myself why I chose not to, right? I experienced my fair share of anxiety, loneliness and low level depression, especially in my 20s as an actor, out of work, out of money and in horrible relationships. I often didn’t like my reality back then. It regularly sucked.
I just never believed any substances would help me like things more. In fact, I suspected they’d just make me even less able to find the rent, more lost, more out of shape, less able to cope. I didn’t trust any substance would make me feel better, so I eyed them with suspicion and ignored them when they came my way. I guess that’s why I don’t quite get the attraction - why there’s missing pieces in my understanding. I want to learn more about your experiences and thoughts.
For those who use substances because they are suffering deeply from mental health or other conditions and the substances provide genuine relief - I get that. I agree with Dr Gabor Mate who writes about addiction to illegal substances needing to be accepted as illness requiring deep treatment to address causation, not as criminal activity.
If humanity could find more connection, better ways to handle emotional pain, some of this searching might be alleviated…do you think? It isn’t simple. I want to hear from you.
Message me privately if you don’t want to publish a comment or your reflection. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Love to you from the road,
As a teen I was very anti peer group pressure in general, slow on the uptake- of even alcohol -when all my peers were getting drunk & wasted.
I made up for it once I was settled in at uni and proceeded to sample everything with various boundaries applied (no weed unless socialising, even if I love heroin - I am only having it this one time, I will never pay for cocaine, no injecting). There is something I really enyoy about being in an altered state of consciousness. It's like exploring unfamiliar parts of my brain.
Reasons: socialising, experimentation, enhancing an experience (raves & dance parties), staying awake at work, feeling more confident in a situation, numbing when sad, feeling less lonely, defiance of societal norms, wanting to overcome a stuck feeling, general self medicating.
Alcohol, a drug of addiction, is the biggest killer of people and the most unregulated and freely available. Human nature, historically, has made and utilised alcohol, at least in the Western world. Other cultures use their own substances - coca leaves in some South American countries, marijuana to worship Jah in Jamaica. People want a mood alteration. The problem IMO, is primarily that alcohol is often not considered 'a problem', and that is incorrect, and it is available to purchase in supermarkets. In Spain drugs are not criminalised, and dependance has decreased. Also there is current research and use of some drugs, mostly organic substances, being used to assist with mental health situations across a broad spectrum. As adults, we have to be able to make our own choices. The key is to be responsible, and moderate. Moderation in everything, including moderation. The trip has been spectacular. Be well. x